Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Destructive Conditioning - 1

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ManCee said...

(1) Mancee prefers natural hair...nothing like running my hand through a bouncy headful..or or or tracing the scalp lines of a woven hairstyle...OMG :-). I'm sorry but SKin head on chics still freaks me out.
(2)Emm..madam, be gentle...In india, dowry as opposed to bride price is paid o. At this rate we would start/reinforce some 'destructive(?)' conditionings eg why should it be the guy who has a phallus to insert, or why should it only be the female who can be perused with a phallus. Sound familiar? yeah...homosexuality :-)
(3)...oh thats all?


Hmmm...I am yet to officially change my last name and my hubby just could care less. But, what do I know, as I came from a family where my mother did not let go of her surname and where all the children, male or female were well educated.

As to hair, most cultures place an over emphasis on it and that puts pressure on all women, black white, African or what not. We all just need to chill. Its just hair and you can do with it as you please.

How you dey, o jare?

BSNC said...

me i like my natural hair, but the thing was too stubborn, so i had to straighten it. lol like solomosydelle says hair na hair, but i appreciate natural hair sha.

N.I.M.M.O said...

African women never used to change their names at marriage until the advent of 'civilization'.

African women always had braiding (didi or kiko) until the advent of 'civilization' too.

But that may just be a fashion thing. Remember when Afro was the rave? Imagine how oyinbo people must have felt back then.

The Activist said...

N.I.M.O made a lot of sense. It was so bad now that some women can't feel complete without adding "Mrs" to their names.
I want to do a research about this madness...
I am married and did not drop my surname cuz it's part of me. I had a colleague that her husband mandated her to change her email add from her father's name "WTF".

My boss and her sister wear their hair natural and they have made me seeing how beautiful that can be.

It's okay if people change their look or their hair base on experimenting, fashion, convience but it's not acceptable if it's born of brainwashing that our hair is ugly cuz it's nothing but beautiful!

Anonymous said...

No, i have no qualms with women changing their names after marriage. Really, if they want they could use Ms. and not change from using their maiden names; 'tis their choice.

What i find amusing is when ladies address themselves as Dr.(Mrs), Prof(Mrs), Engr.(Mrs), i wonder why 'tis needful to qualify the 'sex' of the owner of the title. Does it not wrongly interpret that those titles are first and foremost deemed for men?

Funny but, ridiculously one a full page of a national newspaper a woman addressed herself as Princess(Mrs)..... common, what shall we call this?

Personally, i think women go consciously strive to prove they are ladies, then afterwards, go through double stress to claim for 'equal' rights.....

archiwiz said...

It has been interesting to see the guy's p.o.v. in this post.

@ManCee Your preferences are your preferences. Its good to know what you do or don't like. On your (2)... Does the fact that dowry is paid in India make it right? Do you know that if the girls family is not able to come up with the amount of money the guy's family wants they will be disgraced? And the girl might never get another suitor? And how does biology come into the conditioning that one gender is being preferred over another? The second part of your comment is very weird. Also, how does homosexuality come into this? What God made is good. What man chooses to turn it into, can be changed.

@SSD Hmmm... Interesting that the lack of name changing is happening more often these days. As per the hair, yes people need to chill oh. The annoying part is when kids start being taught that their natural bodies are not up to par.
I dey ok oh. Dey find job. Thanks for asking.

@BSNC My hair is extremely tough too, that's why I alternate my natural hair with weaves and braids.

@NIMMO and @Standtall Thanks for joining the discussion. I totally agree with you @StandTall on the brainwashing. Not right at all. We should appreciate diversity, and not seek to stifle it.

@rethots I wondered why as well. I think its because many older professional women were accused of trying to desert their family responsibilities so they felt they needed to show that by adding the "Mrs." Of course, on the other hand, many Nigerians like pegging titles to their names.
I wish you could explain your last paragraph. How should ladies "consciously strive to prove that they are ladies" and all that? Or is that your satire just showing again?

The Activist said...

@ Rethot: as see you have joined me and some other women in this kind of discussions. It's absolutely unecessary to be prof [mrs], dr [mrs] but then even if the women didnt choose to, the media helps out.

I use Ms. and a lot of pple have criticised that and even help me write mrs even when i protest because they believe that is how it's ought to be.

Just imagine if I am barrister for the media to help me write bar[mrs]. Men, it so absurd in my own case.

I have always insisted on how I want my name to be written and I will always insist.

And like Archiwiz, your last paragraph is unclear.

The Activist said...

I wrote this once http://genderandme.blogspot.com/2008/03/compound-name.html

I am now trying to do a research on this surname issue.